Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We are all done wearing pants today
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
