That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
