I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
me + whiskey = a bad person
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
