It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
