Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
