She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
