he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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