I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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