You smell like stripper and shame
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
