If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
