He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
