shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
