She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
