can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
