and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
