I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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