You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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