All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
