Non-Jews are for practice
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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