i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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