She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
