you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
