Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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