Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
