He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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