Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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