I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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