i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
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yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
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You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.