I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed