I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT