Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize