I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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