She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The air taste purple.
Randomize
