dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
