the condom got lost in my hair
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I supernannyed him into submission
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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