How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
