Do you still have your period?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
