he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
