I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You're like the curious george of whores
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
