i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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