So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
