He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
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Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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