oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
