singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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