His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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