hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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