I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Welp...herpes.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
