Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
