Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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