we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
