i would punch a child for taco bell
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
