It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
