Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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