i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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