I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
