Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
