I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
