lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
