hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
