think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
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When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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