Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
