Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
