I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
