just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
