she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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