Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just found puke in my bra..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
