i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
