Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
