never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
