I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We have started to decorate penises.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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