I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
