Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
