The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
