i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
