Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
