very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
