life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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