Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So much rum. So many feels.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
