i think my mom watched the whole time
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
