I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
